JOKES THREAD (Merged topics - all jokes here)

There were two Veterans, one with a Doberman Pinscher and the other with a Chihuahua. The veteran with the Doberman Pinscher says to his mate, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat.
"The veteran with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."
The veteran with the Doberman Pinscher says, "Just follow my lead." They walk over to the restaurant, the veteran with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses and he starts to walk in. The bouncer at the door says, "Sorry, mac, no pets allowed."
The veteran with the Doberman Pinscher says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye-dog."
The bouncer says, "A Doberman Pinscher?"
He answers, "Yes, they're using them now; they're very good and protect me from robbers, too."
The man at the door says, "Come on in."
The veteran with the Chihuahu figures, "What the heck," so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.
Once again the bouncer says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."
The veteran with the Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bouncer at the door says, "A Chihuahua?
The veteran with the Chihuahua says, "A Chihuahua?????? They gave me a Chihuahua?!"

Three women worked in the same office for the same female boss. Each day, they watched the boss leave work early. One day, the ladies decided that when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never back to work, or called to check in, so how would she possibly know they went home early?
The brunette was thrilled to get home early...she did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and had an early dinner with her husband.
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the gym before meeting a dinner date.
The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss! Gently, she closed the door and crept out of the house.
The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them.
“Sod that!” the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday!"