The worst day of my life

Wear your happy face in public, and do your crying at home in private, then nobody can say look at that silly b****r!
Or - like the song of a few years back, do your crying in the rain!
Don't be ashamed - it's a safety-valve. The stiff upper lip thing is bull droppings.

AGREED

Thanks, guys
Mike

Well, Veronica's funeral is now behind me - and until we were actually back at the house after it was all over I hadn't realised just how much I was wound up over it, A multitude to possible disasters had kept playing themselves out in my mind, but thankfully it all went off like clockwork (no thanks to me - the priest, the undertaker and the family deserve all the credit).
It's quite odd - this morning I feel as though a great weight has suddenly been lifted off my shoulders and I can just concentrate on grieving for Veronica and interspersing that with getting on with life, no matter how sadly, instead of worrying myself sick over funeral arrangements.
Thanks again fro all the support I have had from you folk.
Mike

That moment when the box disappears through the curtain is when it finally sinks in that she's not coming back - ever. That is the hardest moment.
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Now you are at a fork in the road, and you can live in the past with your memories, or you can put them aside and move on.
I don't mean to forget her, or look for a new partner - but to get up and get on with what you enjoy doing.
Try to avoid things that you used to do together, for now, and maybe re-start something you used to do, but put aside for her - or look for something totally new.
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What I did, once everything had settled down, was to go through all Doreen's clothes and 'stuff', see what was worth passing to a charity shop, and what was not, and get rid. (They don't normally want used underwear, or 'unusual' items). I felt incredibly guilty when it came to going through her handbags and such, because it was one of those things we just didn't do - if you like - our private space - to see what was of value, or could be used by one of the unscrupulous fraudsters who look for identities to steal.

This also means that you can re-decorate the house, if you wish - but in the patterns and colours that YOU like, not what she wanted! I had a head-start there, because due to Doreen's illness, we had an electrical hospital bed, bags of medications, a huge 02 bottle (for back-up in case of power failure), an oxygen generator in the living room, and various bits of other equipment all around, so the wallpaper was rather battered from contact with those, and all the regular furniture was crammed into one corner.
It is tough to get started, because it seems like you are erasing her from the house, but if you don't, every time you look at something, you will be thinking SHE did that, or THAT was her favourite ornament - or whatever - and it will hold you back.
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You might find that all your neighbours act a little oddly around you for a while, too. It's not your fault - but they feel very awkward towards you, because they don't know what to say or do, unless they too have lost a partner, and really know what it is like. They will say things like - If you want any help, let me know - but in reality they are thinking -Please don't - I don't know how to behave!

Eric, as usual, has put it better than I could. Most of us have been there, you'll find there's lots of advice, it all comes under the heading of 'use it, don't use it'. My bit of advice is don't start dating, there's plenty of time, and your kids won't approve anyway! I'm sure in fun moments Veronica said 'Mike, when I'm gone, find somebody else' I can tell you now, she meant it! Give it a couple of years, there's plenty of lending libraries, you don't have to buy the book, if you get my drift!

the worst part is behind you now slowly slowly life will get better, the good memories will stay with you the not so good will fade away
Good wishes
Tony

Thanks guys - as for dating - no way. I'm 80 and in that respect will be content with my lot.
Mike

let the healing begin Mike good luck to you

A sample of something you will have to cope with for years afterwards -

I haven't lost my wife but may I suggest that you do what my sister -in -law and cousin-in-law did. They joined clubs and Mike ( CiL) who we lost recently, joined a club where he could dance.He and Norma loved to dance. He found a lady who loved dancing too. Just platonic but he enjoyed it until the Alzheimers struck. W
e lost him in 3 weeks of the onset but he enjoyed himself until then.. Mona went to a knitting group and said she enjoyed herself. Stroke took her Quickly thank goodness. The point is they filled their time with something they enjoyed with people of like mind for company.If I was able and I lost Margaret I would go back to singing and of course modelling. It's just my idea but you may well have your own;which I'm sure you have. Whatever you decide good luck and God bless you.
John O/T

Thanks, John.
All being well I will resurrect my modelling 'career' - Hardly been able to touch a balsa knife or get to the field in the last two years as Veronica's condition worsened, Joining clubs and the like is a bit of a no-no because my hearing is pretty poor and trying to participate in environments where there is a lot of talking and the like is pure misery as I can't understand what is going on - it makes me look pretty stupid to those who don't know of my hearing loss. I've tried several different hearing aids over the last ten years with a total lack of success - my hearing spectrum seems to simply lack the frequencies at which most human voices operate, especially if people talk quickly and/or have a marked accent. Now I've lost Veronica, I've also lost my interpreter of TV dialogue, especially when it is women speaking.
Mike

When you've got yourself 'back together' - perhaps you could search on the internet for a group of similarly disabled people somewhere near you - where your problem will be understood, and they find a work-around to cope.
Do you know sign-language? If not, that is something you could put your mind to.
I certainly would not like to lose my hearing, but I dread the loss of sight, as ALL my hobbies require that sense, to allow me to do them.

On the TV problem, can I suggest a pair of high quality earphones (cans), Eric will have a good idea as to the better quality ones. Then buy a cheap sound system that has Base, and Treble, not just a Tone control. Hook it into the TV sound output and plug the headphones into it, now you can have the sound as loud as you like without bothering the neighbours and you can adjust the weighting to give you best intelligibility.

Hi Mike i know how you feel as im stone deaf,have been for 40 years. without the bionics in one ear i would not be able to pick up anything, but dont let it put you off, and you should not think you look stupid, if any one cannot understand your problem then they are the stupid ones, and tell them so, i always have done, they understand better then lol, i cannot hear my engines most of the time im flying, you just learn to notice things what your plane is doing differently, i had my Hunter turbine stop, i did not know. only when it acted differently i knew so was able to glide her in on a steep glide, but i try to have some one beside me to act as my ears, the same as they have a spotter at shows,
So dont let an afliction stop you, go and overcome and enjoy
I do
Just thinking it is fifty years since i lost my hearing over night, my dont time fly